I've decided that I need to get some things out of my system and I'm hoping that by writing them down I will be closer to purging these experiences from constant recall. I don't believe that I should let go of them completely as it is important to remember our experiences and learn from them. However, they should also not haunt us night and day, making the process of moving ahead in life a difficult or impossible task.

That being said, this will be my first posting towards the end of creating a smoother road to travel by working out kinks, hangups, fears, and various other concerns.

This past year my health has become a great concern having had several experiences of illness or injury. It began around May 14, 2008. On 5/16/08, my husband, JG, and I went to our daughter's college to watch her pre-graduation ceremony to receive a certificate in her field of emphasis. That was a Friday afternoon. I had not been feeling great for a couple of days and thought I was maybe catching bronchitis, something I seem to be prone to. On Friday I felt tired, hot, and uncomfortable all over. But I was not about to miss any part of her graduation.

The next day, Saturday, 5/17/08, was the university wide graduation ceremony. It was held in the huge basketball arena. It was a warm day but probably not hot, although I felt like I was burning up, light headed, and basically going to explode if I didn't get out of there. It felt like it took forever to get through all the graduates, there were hundreds! Of course, our daughter and her best friend did not walk until the very end!!

Afterwards, we had hugs and kisses and tried to take the new graduates out for a celebratory dinner. They had other plans - something like a bar crawl or some silly thing. But they were in a good mood and we wanted them to have a good time. Besides, what I really wanted was a bed!

On Sunday, I spent most of my time in bed. I don't remember it very well other than taking my temperature at one time and seeing 103 degrees on the thermometer. I remember thinking, geeze, maybe we should do something about that! On Monday, I felt even worse and asked JG to take me to the Dr. He did. I remember sitting in the waiting room, walking into the examining room, telling the Dr. I wouldn't go to the hospital, and that's all. I don't remember the rest of the week!!!

In fact, I don't really remember much from the following 3 weeks. JG told me as much as he could. Apparently, I had a strain of pneumonia that is resistant to antibiotics. My temperature reached 105 degrees and I was very dehydrated. I was told that under such conditions, a patient is often uncooperative, so, as they needed to intubate me, they sedated me. I remained sedated until about June 3rd (I think).

When I was removed from the sedation and woke up, I was very confused. I didn't understand where I was or why. I had had many weird, even freaky dreams and nightmares under sedation, several of which felt so real and made no sense. Then I learned that while I had been "away" they had performed surgery on me! Oh, joy.

There was a shocking sense of no longer having any control over my life. A feeling of having been a prisoner. I somehow got it in my head that they had me on a hospital ship out in the ocean. I was convinced that I was very far from home and I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to do that to me. It was very lonely and scary even though JG was there with me. When I first woke up, he didn't look quite like himself and I felt that maybe this is how he really looks. And if he had never before shown me his true appearance in our 26+ years together maybe he wasn't the loving husband I had always thought he was. And if not, who was he and why had he brought me here. Sooooo confusing and my poor little brain was having lots of trouble digesting it all.

Over the next couple of days I started to understand things more. My daughter and my sister came to see me. That was amazing! Somewhere inside me I began to understand that it had been a very distinct possibility that I might not have ever seen them again! And then I started hearing that from the hospital staff. Apparently, there had been quite a concern that this 51 year old woman who was otherwise fairly healthy might very seriously not make it. Oh good, that was fun to know.

I improved over the next few days and was allowed to go home on June 6. That was a weird experience, too! But at least I was home and safe.

....to be continued.

Thanks for the read,
Jeannie C.